If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
