Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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