she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize