I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
