I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
