I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
