hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
