Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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