So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
