i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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