I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
