to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you never un-have a 4some
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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