dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
