drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
