yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
