Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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