The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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