Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
