He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
