I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
