she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
