the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please, let me fuck your mom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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