Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
