Best friends brother. Beat that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
