tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
