Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
