I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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