I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
