ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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