Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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