1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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