I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Someone came in the potted fern
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
