Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
