also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize