he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
