just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My pussy is not your playground.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
