Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
