just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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