Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize