I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
