"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize