just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
