Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
