It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
