i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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