He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
