Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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