Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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