if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
