Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
