I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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