i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
