We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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