if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize