You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this will be a night to untag.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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