Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We got so high we made milksteak
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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