My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
