So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
