you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
