In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
