No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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