I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
