so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
