the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
