good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
