saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize