Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i would punch a child for taco bell
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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