just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
