there's paper in my vomit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize