I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
