I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize