All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
