So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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