3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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