i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
