my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
