Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
