I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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