Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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