I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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